i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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