i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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