Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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