Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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