She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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