When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
