Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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