From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
