Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
