Just cropdusted the office
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
