apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
