So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
