Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
