It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
