God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
