Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
