so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
