my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
