Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They took my balls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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