it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
