He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
