i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think i just lost a toe
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
