I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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