I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
