do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
