it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
