he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
