It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
