mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
