Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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