Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
