I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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