Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need water and some morals
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
