2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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