I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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