I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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