Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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