it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wear drunk well.
My feet surprised me
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