I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
