giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
