i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
