Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fuck appropriateness.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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