a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
