This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
