tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
