guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
