You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
