I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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