New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
