does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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