i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
