i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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