No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
