i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
