wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
