I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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