you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Randomize
