I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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