i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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