White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
