So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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