I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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