It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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