thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
