Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
