my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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