hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
