Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
