I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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