Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
