I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
